


So You Wish You Could Lie?

by Cartwheellou



Series: Can We Fix This? [2]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: 7/11 parking lots, Gen, Prequel, Sobbing, don't worry you already saw how it ends, the world just might be ending, watch as everything goes to shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 05:38:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14784525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cartwheellou/pseuds/Cartwheellou
Summary: Jeremy thought maybe he could just keep it a secret. He knew it would eat him from the inside out, but he thought it would be a billion times better than Michael knowing the terrible thing he did.Too bad the decision was taken out of his hands.





	So You Wish You Could Lie?

The crunch of wheels on gravel had never been such a relief in his life. Jeremy’s hands were still shaking, his whole body still rattling around with exhilaration, but his chest was blooming. He was elated, hope filling up inside him, knowing that  _ things could get better now _ . They were safe; Michael was safe. Squip was driving away, his van rounding the corner, and he would be out of their lives forever.

Jeremy did his best to ignore the small sick bloated feeling. The paranoid guilt festering in his chest. He glanced over to his friend standing next to him with wide eyes and a hard sigh leaving his parted lips, the weight of the past few days still strapped to his shoulders. Jeremy thought maybe it would go away someday—the terrible knowledge not only of what he did, but that he  _ got away with it _ . He knew it was pretty messed up that he could get away with something like this. The shame that was already crawling up his throat and choking him would only get worse, but he could last if Michael  _ never found out _ . Maybe if he had Michael, it could all go away. He could bury it.

The boy is question finally flicked his eyes over to meet Jeremy’s and offered him a quivering, relieved smile. Jeremy returned the same, a cold spike of shame piercing his chest. “Well, that’s over now,” Michael summarized—as if marking it done could make all the fear go away. Jeremy nodded. “I know this is probably pretty stupid, but…” Michael scratched his arm. “Squip was totally lying, right? You didn’t rat me out.” His tone was questioning but his eyes were trusting. He believed he already knew the answer.

Jeremy smiled, even though he felt like crying. “Of course not.” He grit his teeth and tried to stop his lips from shivering.

Michael almost nodded, but he didn’t. It was like the needle got stuck on the record, and it just stopped going round. He stirred slightly, his eyebrows furrowing as he mentally rewound and looked at Jeremy again. Jeremy felt a second wave of adrenaline pick up in his system, shakes running up his arms. He couldn’t tell if he should keep smiling or look confused, and in the end the grin slowly melted off his face like plastic. He could never keep anything from Michael.

A shadow of horror slowly dawned over Michael’s face, and Jeremy felt like he was going to throw up. “Oh my God,” Michael choked out, stumbling away from Jeremy. “Shit!” He took more steps away and started to turn around.

“Wait no Michael—!” Jeremy shrieked, lunging towards Michael with one hand and throwing all pretenses to the ground.

“Don’t touch me!” Michael yelled, jerking his wrist away from Jeremy’s outstretched palm. His breathing was picking up again, his face already turning violently red. “Don’t fucking come near me!”

“Michael, I swear, I—I—”

“Don’t talk! Shut up!” Michael gripped his hair and began to pace rapidly, his breaths heaving like he just got done running. He didn’t even  _ need _ to breathe, and he didn’t actually have any blood in his face—they were just mannerisms from being around living things his whole existence, because he spent all day at school and hanging out with Jeremy and watching cashiers and teachers and everyone else. For some reason, that was all Jeremy could think about.

Michael was only pacing for a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity when your whole life was crumbling. “I—I can’t believe…” He finally turned to face Jeremy, shouting, “How could y— _ Why _ would you do that?!” with his hands out in front of him helplessly.

Jeremy scrambled for an answer. “I—I know, it’s just—I—”

“No! You don’t get to talk!” Michael cut him off. Jeremy shook; he was almost glad Michael shut him up, because he really had no idea what he would have said. “I don’t think there’s a single reason you could give me that I would take.” He resumed his pacing, hands raking through his hair. “Crap—I thought you were my friend!”

“I—!”  _ am your friend _ . Jeremy couldn’t say it, because it would be a lie. Not after what he just did. Michael knew, too, based on the way that he looked at him. Scathing. It might have just been in the heat of the moment, but Jeremy swore he saw a little hate. It stabbed a little knife down into the gaping hole the guilt had ripped.

“Yeah, I thought so,” Michael hissed.

“No, no, Michael, I—”

“No.” His voice wasn’t loud anymore. It was cold. Michael had made up his mind, and Jeremy already knew what it was. He already felt like he was drowning before Michael even started talking. “Don’t talk to me. Don’t try to find me. Just get away.” He turned around, hands shoved deep into his hoodie pockets, and stalked away. “I don’t wanna know you.”

“N—No! Michael!” Jeremy tripped over himself, chasing after Michael, but before he could take more than a few steps, Michael’s form bled away and disappeared. “Sh—Shit! Shit, shit!” He turned away from the space Michael had been (and still was, walking away—but he was as good as gone, now) and began kicking furiously at the ground, screaming and cursing with livid tears rolling down his face. He collapsed to the ground, pulling his knees into chest and sobbing; a raw yell tore out of his throat, and he did nothing to stop it. He couldn’t do anything to stop it.

He didn’t know how long he was curled up in the 7/11 parking lot for, but it was long enough for the sun to start to go down, and enough for more than his crying to shake his shoulders. It was long enough that his soul had run out through his eyes, and long enough to figure out that it was impossible to run out of tears, because even after everything that was inside of you has already been cried out, the water just keeps running.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Heh heh heh heh.


End file.
